Well, I’m back briefly to say this:

I know that not everyone decides the same thing I decided regarding what to do with my last name when I got married. And truly, I think that whatever someone decides to do is the right thing to do–so long as they 100% decide on their own. As long as it is their decision and they thought about what THEY wanted to do.

But lately, I’ve been getting SO FED UP with people that know what my last name is–people that I have told many times–but still insist on calling me by the name that THEY think I should have. Like they have the right to label however they want to label me.

I guess they can do that all they want. Call me by some name that isn’t and never was mine. But what they really can’t do is expect me to be happy about it. Or smile about it. Or be totally cool about it. I can’t stop you from doing it, obviously(especially when you do it just to spite me). But don’t get all offended when I glare or roll my eyes or don’t-react-positively-at-all. You are being so disrespectful. (again, I’m not talking about when people make an honest assumption, with no malice. I like to think I’m not a total jerk about this to random people).

Because names are important. And I’d like for my decision to be respected. So I’m not going to humor you because you can’t handle it. Ok Mom/Mother-in-law/Bishop/Aunt/Uncle/Sister-in-law? Ok?

Contrary to popular belief, I am under NO obligation to pleasant to you all the time. Especially not when you act like that.

Just as a side note here: You know that just because you continually call me the wrong name, doesn’t mean I’m just gonna start being like “Ok yeah…that’s my name now. Silly me.” What kind of passive aggressive bs are you trying to pull here.

I sort of talked about this with my sisters recently. And the two reasons we could think of why a person would continually be such a jerk about this were

1. They are concerned about what other people think and for some reason think that a decision not to change our last names when we got married will reflect badly on them or

2. They are just trying to calculatingly mean.

Neither of which are good reasons at all for that kind of behavior.

And please, PLEASE. If it really bothers you in legitimate ways, you can talk to me about it. Really. (Or! You could even talk to Spouseman about it. If that would make you feel better Mother/Mother-in-law/Sister-in-law/bishop). Because I’ve found in life that when you are intimidated or confused by someone’s decisions, things usually get ironed out when you actually talk to them about it and take a second to understand them. I’d love to (and you all should remember the times that I’ve tried to talk to you about this stuff? Remember all those times?). But no one has been willing. And it just makes me unspeakably angry that you continue to do it and then pull a “oh! Annette is so mean and hateful to us! What did we ever do to her! Everyone feel sad for us because Annette is so so mean! She must not be reading her scriptures or praying or else she wouldn’t be doing all this evil stuff like working! In an office! And not having babies! And not changing her name!”

I’ve had enough of all your crap. I think I’ll start sending mail back with a note that says “That person doesn’t live here. I’ve never heard of a person named that. Try again. I bet you can get it right if you reeeeally try.”

OH AND I WILL LOSE IT COMPLETELY NEXT TIME I GET A LETTER ADDRESSED TO “MRS. EVAN MOSS” FROM ANY OF YOU. From any of you. I’m serious. I am extremely offended by that. Especially because I knoooow why you do it. And it has nothing to do with tradition (because that’s not how you do it normally anyway) and everything to do with you just trying to make you feelings clear about what I should do with my identity. You just want to lay in on thick. (Don’t give me any of your crap about “Air Force Protocol” either, Mother. Sounds like Air Force Protocol needs to wise up and stop being offensive to half the human race. And also you don’t have to feel bound by freaking Air Force Protocol to send a birthday card to your daughter. You know?!?!?!)

Whoa. That was not as brief as I originally intended. But I’m glad I got it out.

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One Response to

  1. Jessica says:

    Annette, obviously you don’t love your husband and are not committed to your marriage if you don’t change your last name. That was obviously a joke, but when I think about, maybe that’s what people think. Like, not changing your last name reflects that you don’t plan on being bound with another human being for forever. Maybe it scares them?

    Anyway, today I was standing in a hallway at school looking at the names and pictures of all the donors. It made me really sad that literally 98% of the names were done like “Mr and Mrs James Harris” or even “Mrs James Harris.” I know that James isn’t a woman. It made me sad to think that these women didn’t actually have an identity, but instead, were hidden behind their husbands. I think right then was when I realized that I don’t want that to be me. And we should do away with the prefix “Mrs” anyway, because why must women show if they’re married just by their name while men do not?

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